Miriam & Markus' story is so touching and very close to my heart. Their maternity session was meant to be with both of them but sadly, because of lockdown, the session had to be one to one.
I hope you enjoy this very moving blog written by Miriam and that it will fill your heart with hope if you have been walking through something similar.
Watching everyone around me announcing a pregnancy or starting their baby journey that we had prayed so long for was the most painful thing. I tried my absolute hardest to be happy for them and put on a good face, but inside I was a complete mess and just wanted to scream 'why is this not happening for me?!'.
I will never forget the first positive pregnancy test I got. We both stared at the test in complete happiness and couldn't believe we had just started our own little family!
Realising I was having a miscarriage was the worst feeling I had ever gone through. I felt like I had completely let Markus down and had taken away his chance of becoming a dad.
After the second miscarriage, my dad held my hand as I cried "this will never happen for us". He had a lot more faith than I did!
The third was a missed miscarriage, where the heartbeat had stopped at 8 weeks and 2 days which was picked up 1 week later at a scan. The national lockdown for Covid 19 had just started as I went into hospital with Markus. Coming home and not being able to see anyone from our family pushed me to the absolute edge. This was by far the hardest thing we have had to go through as a couple.
My mum went straight into detective mode. Having 3 miscarriages in a row set alarm bells ringing and she was going to get to the bottom of it! Goodness knows where we would be without her!
In less than 2 weeks she had found our miracle doctor. The one that God had put in front of her and gave her the confidence that this line was the right one to go down. She was on the phone straight away and spoke to anyone needed to get us an appointment booked.
Because of the covid pandemic, we had to wait for their labs to re open before I could have tests done to hopefully find out what was happening. Just 2 months later and we had the test results, the answer and the golden ticket of medication!
We jumped back on the baby making train straight away! The positive pregnancy test was the best early birthday present...ever. I felt like I was fully armed for battle with medication and regular clinic trips for check ups. Hearing a heartbeat, getting to 9 weeks, then 12, then 16....was this actually happening and working?!
It has been a big blurry 9 months and we have documented every single step! I've gone overboard with the nursery, buying her clothes, and saying her name all the time at home. But I don't care, we have waited for this and we will squeeze all of the enjoyment out of it that we can.
Little one, you are so loved. We thank God every single day for you!